I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
