Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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