Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
