I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
