Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
