Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
