I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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