so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
