My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
