I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
