Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
