easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
