Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
