she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
