You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
