I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
