Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
