Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
