You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
