the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
