So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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