Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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