On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
COCAINE IS GR8
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
