If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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