I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
