I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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