just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
