I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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