Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
