nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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