Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
