Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
