those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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