We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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