We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
