Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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