He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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