i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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