i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
