i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
