every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
