There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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