Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
