She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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