Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
