My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
