she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
