apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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