I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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