Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
