He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
