I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
