i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i need some magic done to my vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
