Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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