You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
