you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
